Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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