Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
