I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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