I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
