I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
