Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
