Girls should come with a carfax report
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize