The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
