no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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