worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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