Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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