Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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