i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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