She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
