If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
