Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
