you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
