And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
