He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
