Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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