Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize