so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
