The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
