im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
