yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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