Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
