Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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