shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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