im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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