bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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