He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
