I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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