I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
