yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
