You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
