By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
