I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I did not marry a roomba.
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