i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
