The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
