Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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