Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
