Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
