I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
