Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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