So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
