they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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