He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
