She's JV to your varsity
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
