I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
