I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
