True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize