just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
