Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
