Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
