Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
