she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
smell my finger.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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