I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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