literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
