I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize