Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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