she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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