Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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