Just fell off a train. Bad.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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