The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize