I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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