Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
