$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
