She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
