Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
