I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
