they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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