she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
