He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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