I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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