You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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