somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
